Now that all (14!) applications have gone out and I can no longer afford to participate in any activities one might consider fun (or, you know, eat perishable food) I’m left with some free time and an anxiety so profound and noticeable that strangers have started stopping me on the street, asking if I am okay.
Instead of compulsively checking my application statuses, instead of wavering between delusions of grandeur and unworthiness (in the former, I imagine an admissions committee accepting me on the spot before even reading the other applications. In the latter, I believe that the committee will contact me immediately, by phone, in order to deny me admission and berate me for wasting their time.) Instead of doing all of these things, I’ve decided to use my anxiety for good. I will start so many projects that I literally won’t even have time to consider what it would cost to take a U-Haul from Illinois to Oregon. Or whether or not my long-term relationship can withstand another return to long-distance. Or what in the hell people even do with themselves once their dreams have been crushed on such a large scale (I imagine they start attending local fish fry events and getting in fights with cashiers.)
So, I’ll blog. I’ll blog about the waiting process and about the projects I’ve embarked upon in order to avoid full-blown, soul-crushing panic.
My Current Projects:
My ulterior motive is to have a body of online work that I can use to try to jumpstart some sort of freelance career. Is this how you do that? Does anyone know?
I’ll be updating a Twitter account (@mfwaiting) where I will try to post distractions, literary news, and general observations about the waiting/writing process. I hope at least one person who isn’t my Mom will find this amusing, or helpful, or worthwhile.